Forever
by Jacinda
Summary: Post Forget Me Not: Nigel was imagining spending forever with Sara. He never would have thought he was caught in the middle of her farce (Nigel-Jordan friendship)


A/N: I haven't written any stories about CJ in months because I was getting so sick of the writers rehashing the same plot lines about Woody chasing Jordan and Jordan chasing Woody only after she had pushed him away. Last night's episode (Forget Me Not) was absolutely stellar (I would be hugely disappoint if Steve Valentine didn't get an Emmy nomination this year - he took his part and just made it his b-tch. Truly awesome acting.). It was exactly what the show needed! It got me wondering what would have happened in the scenes following when Jordan, Nigel, and Bug left the police department.

* * *

"She was funny and smart. Sara wasn't like all the other women in Boston . . . she wasn't cold and cynical," I said. I immediately regretted the words. Jordan looked down at her plate; she knew that she was the cold and cynical one. Bug tried to smile. He had to have known that it was hard to find women in Boston. It was hard to find a woman that wasn't career driven or a ball-buster at the office.

"She lied to you, Nigel. The only innocent in that situation is her daughter," Bug replied, "Her daughter is lucky."

"I was sleeping in her bed. She drugged me. It all seems a bit surreal," I replied as I pushed the French fries around my plate.

"You're a good guy. You would have never thought to question her," Jordan said as she picked one of the French fries off my plate, "You aren't cold and cynical like me."

"Jordan," I replied. I immediately felt apologetic that I had potentially hurt the feelings of the woman that spent two days working to find Maddie and then clearing my name.

"No, I admire it. I don't think Max ever aspired to raise a daughter that questions the intentions of everyone around her. Then again . . .," Jordan replied with a smile. I couldn't help but to laugh at how Jordan was constantly groomed into being a police officer's daughter. I always loved her for that. She went into the investigation with an open mind. Jordan was the one to wonder if Sara had something to do with the kidnapping far before I could imagine her setting me up.

We talked about everything and nothing for two hours before the waitstaff made it clear that they were beginning to clean up the little dive of a restaurant. I wasn't ready to go home. I wasn't ready to begin dealing with the fact that this was all a farce . . . . that I had been fighting for the wrong team the entire time.

"Nige, you want to go to my place for a beer?" Jordan asked. Bug disappeared into the night. He had the unfortunate duty of working the morning shift tomorrow. Well, at one in the morning it was already tomorrow. I was looking forward to taking a few days off, as Dr. Macy insisted. I was going to be able to go see Maddie one more time before she leaves the country with her father.

"Sure. I have no where else to go," I replied. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to be saying. I liked being with Sara. Even classifying it as 'liked' was an enormous understatement. I had only known her for six months, but I was already imagining spending the rest of my life with her. I had never done that before. It was exciting and terrifying all at the same time.

The ride to her apartment was as awkward as I had imagined. She didn't grill me for answers about Sara and her psychiatric state. Jordan was remarkably quiet. It wasn't exactly what I expected from her, but I was aware that she was trying desperately to change. I knew she was actively working at being more vulnerable and sensitive to please Woody. Part of me didn't want her to change. She had always been the take charge one around the morgue. Today and yesterday, I was ecstatic that she was being the take charge one. I could barely think about what to do next. I needed her to be the strong one.

"I'm sorry . . . all I have is light beer," Jordan said as she peered into her refrigerator. I got a glimpse of it; her refrigerator appeared to be nothing more than a cold, empty chasm. It was kind of like what my heart felt like . . . empty.

"Beer is beer," I said. She immediately shot me a disappointed look. Irish girls knew that beer wasn't just beer; they knew that there were a million different kinds of beers. Her look of disapproval was immediately followed by a look of pity that I needed to turn away from.

"Nige, I'm sorry that Sara turned out to be someone else," Jordan replied as she handed me a beer and proceeded to clear all the medical journals and various other things off her couch.

"So am I," I replied as I sat next to her. Jordan leaned into my like she often had when she was upset. I rested the top of my head against her head. I had known Jordan for well over ten years and this was the first time that she needed to watch over me. There were a million times when I needed to watch over her, but this was probably the first time that I needed her to comfort me.

I could feel the tears ebbing at my eyes. I could feel them begin to force their way out of my tear ducts. I blinked my eyes closed in a desperate attempt to stem their flow. I wasn't sure exactly why I was crying. It might have been that having Sara lie to me hurt more than any physical pain I ever felt. It might have been that the idea of Maddie being dead was enough to kill me. Even the amount of self-doubt I was feeling was crippling.

Jordan sat still and let me cry silently. I'm sure that she felt the warmth of my tears on her hair, but I couldn't hold it in anymore. I spent two days trying to hold it in, which felt nearly impossible.

"Hey, Jord. It's Woody. I brought by real beer," Woody yelled as he pounded on her red door.

"I can ignore him if you want?" Jordan offered. I laughed despite the tears falling down my face.

"Let him in. I can't drink this light stuff," I replied. I wanted to hear what Sara had to say about her actions. I wanted to know if she asked Woody to tell me something. I felt like a teenager waiting for someone to pass me a note about the girl that I liked.

"Nige, Bug told me that you were here . . . you guys weren't answering your cell phones," Woody quickly explained. _Bug sure likes to talk a lot, I thought. _This time my thoughts were laced with more grateful emotions. Had Bug not brought Woody into the mix, Sara probably would have been in New Zealand with Maddie. She would have gotten away with all her plans.

Woody set down a six pack of Guinness on Jordan's cluttered coffee table.

"Sara said that she was sorry. She said that she was planning to make sure you went to New Zealand with them, so you guys could live as a family," Woody said.

For some reason, that didn't make me feel any better. It made me hurt even more because I knew that I would need to testify against her in court. I wasn't quite sure if I could do that because I still loved her. I loved her as much as I hated her. I'm sure Woody understood; I'm sure he occasionally felt that about Jordan.

I could feel Jordan's hand rubbing slow circles on my back.

I wondered why I still loved Sara.

FIN


End file.
